I begin to learn more about myself than I want to…

As per normal the term has gotten away on me already! I encountered my first issue (and really it was a need to be flexible+tired teacher+small change = issue). It was a case of me needing to adhere to a sudden change to the afternoon rotation pattern. I misunderstood, was unncertain and became rigid and inflexible. The changes stood. We moved forward.

As I later understood it was less to do with others making the change decision (because it had to happen and I was on duty-they did fill me in) and more to do with me feeling out of control of the situation. Frankly, I am disappointed in how I responded. The afternoon of course continued and students learnt. Not the end of the world.

It was an important occurrence though, highlighting a big weakness of mine: control – I need to feel in control of what is happening.

This is the biggest challenge that I have found, and is not one that I was expecting to be a problem, is that I have less control over what is happening. I work in a team with two others (both amazing, talented teachers, one of whom is the team leader). As such we all need to be on the same page.

In my classroom I could run the programme how I liked (within the expectations of good practice and the school guidelines of course). Now the programme rquires considerably more negotiation and deliberation: the level of control I had has greatly reduced.

Don’t get me wrong, I do not regret making this shift to team teaching. The discusions we have had regarding pedagogies are fascinating and informative. It’s great to be able to get such quick feedback on what you are doing and ask for help.

It has reinforced for me that to grow I need to continue addressing my aversion to ‘getting things wrong’ in the classroom. For some people this is easy – what does it matter. For others (like me) it is a bit more of a challenge.

I am continuing to push myself into more uncomfortable situations, where I know I am going to fail. One situation that this will occur in is observation and requesting (yes…requesting) a higher level of areas to develop.

Again, this is probably not a major for many, but I often struggle to separate the idea of failure and tweaking/developing. I am getting better at this. Following the Tony Burkin thing I have a better idea of feedback. If it isn’t mention, it isn’t an area to be developed at present. After last year I really want to be back on track and this is one major area for development.


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